Members of a popular Internet forum offered stern advice to a mother, who detailed the hostile holiday dynamic between her and her husband.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITeA**hole, Redditor u/Actual-Play8665 (aka Original Poster or OP) said she often feels left out when her husband goes on vacation without her, and revealed her plan to give him a taste of his own medicine.
Captioned: “[Am I the a**hole] for arranging my own vacation…after my husband took 2 of our 3 children on vacation…leaving me and my eldest son at home?” The post received nearly 12,000 votes in the last day.
The original poster stated that her husband actively keeps her away from his many trips as much as possible, and said that if she was able to participate, she would be treated badly.
“If he doesn’t want me on vacation, he keeps quiet about me and threatens to do so [leave] me at every stop,” OP wrote.
That year, the original poster said her husband gave her three weeks’ notice of a trip to Colorado in late June. As her departure neared, the original poster said she was shocked to learn that she had been kicked off the holiday along with the couple’s eldest son.
“I [asked] again exactly what we’re doing in Colorado and he’s like, ‘Oh, you’re going now[?]’ and goes on to tell me he didn’t plan it for me,” the OP wrote. “I’m changing my plans to stay at home [and] My oldest has to stay home because he just started a summer job.”
“My husband did this… previously spent thousands of dollars on a ski trip to take my youngest two and exclude our eldest son,” OP continued. “I feel hurt and angry [so] I decided to take them all [three] my kids with me on a band trip i’m doing with my middle son’s school. It’s a school trip, but they’ve never been to Hawaii.”
“Am I the asshole for shutting out my husband?” OP then quizzed. “I don’t like being a petty person … but he gets so defensive and treats me with silence for months after every confrontation.”
Vacations that see new places and make new memories have the power to spark excitement and reignite human relationships.
But vacation, acc psychology todaycan tear relationships apart, leaving already distant partners even more distant than the day the destination was set.
“Travelling together usually means constant contact – you spend whole days, even weeks together with little separation.” psychology today Contributors Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D claims. “If there are already problems or tensions in a relationship, additional time together can make them more evident.”
While vacationing together can increase existing tensions, explicitly excluding a partner from a trip is a much bigger red flag at first.
Last year, Marriage.com published a list of 30 signs a marriage is over.
Many of the traits on that list are detailed in the viral Reddit post, including couples living like singles, spending very little time together, a lack of friendship, feelings of depression, and most importantly, a lack of respect from one or both partners.
Throughout the comments section of the viral post, Redditors acknowledged these glaring issues and advised the original poster to reevaluate their relationship immediately.
“Why are you married to him?” Redditor u/tuttkraftverk polled in the top comment of the post, which received almost 18,000 votes. “He doesn’t like you and he actively ensures that you are excluded from everything at every opportunity.”
“[Not the a**hole],” they added. “Unless you stay with him.”
Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000, whose comment received more than 11,000 votes, echoed this opinion.
“Why have you tolerated this level of disrespect for so long?” they questioned. “There’s nothing wrong with needing the occasional alone vacation, but he doesn’t communicate that.”
“Instead, he systematically makes you feel unwanted and disrespects you or your time,” they continued.
“Exactly that,” added Redditor u/SunflowerJYB, receiving more than 5,000 votes. “The vagueness is a profound sign of apathy… you’re just an annoyance to him [and] he doesn’t seem to care about you.”
A more direct answer was offered in a separate comment, which received nearly 8,500 votes.
“Does your husband hate you and your eldest son? Because it really looks like it,” they wrote. “Enjoy Hawaii without him and start seeing divorce lawyers when you get back.”
“[Not the a**hole]’ they added.
news week contacted u/Actual-Play8665 for comment.