“It’s going to be an expensive trip”: I was invited to a wedding in New Orleans. I live in LA. Is it cheesy to ask the bride if I can bring a plus one?

Dear Quentin,

One of my closest friends from high school is getting married in New Orleans in December. We’re 32 now and we live in different states, but we keep in touch and we’ll all get together in New Orleans.

I live in Los Angeles so will be traveling across the country for her wedding in December. I’m not in her bridal party – she just has family – so I’ll be doing my own thing outside of all the wedding activities.

We don’t have many friends in common anymore, and the ones we do have are married, so I won’t be able to share a hotel room with anyone. This will be an expensive trip for me with flights, hotels, taxis etc.

As a social worker for my 9-5 job and babysitter evenings and weekends, I have to think about money. Not to mention that I have been to New Orleans several times and would rather spend my money on my travel destination of choice.

“Her parents are hosting the wedding and they don’t care about money, but I don’t want my girlfriend to feel uncomfortable.”

I would really like to bring my best friend as my plus one. It’s not because I would ask him to share the cost with me. I never would! But I know I would have so much more fun if I went on a date!

The other reason I would love a plus one is because I will be seeing a wedding guest who has historically hurt me more than anyone else in my entire life, and I don’t want to be alone on this ill-fated run. in.

My question is if I can ask the bride my girlfriend if I can bring a plus one. In theory, I could have a partner. I wish I had!

I think a lot of weddings are priced per person. Her parents are hosting the wedding and they don’t care about money, but I don’t want to be cheesy or make my girlfriend uncomfortable. Is it a reasonable/appropriate request to ask for a plus one even though he’s not my partner?

Sole wedding guest

dear single,

Weddings shouldn’t be used as a test of your oldest friendships or the commitment of your newest friends. Unfortunately, sometimes they are.

Hosting a destination wedding is expensive — $32,000, according to The Knot — but so is attending a wedding, and not every guest will have the means to attend. It will cost some people a larger chunk of their income than others. That’s what couples should think about as they cut their wedding cake and wonder why their great-aunt Ida or their high school best friend who works as a social worker or teacher or lost her job during the pandemic aren’t there. But the secret of happiness – at least one of them – is not taking things personally.

They are essentially asked to go on vacation alone. I know it’s the “happiest day” of your life, but people have their own lives to live and they have different budgets. People get caught up in the chaos of wedding planning, but there’s no mathematical equation that says having a “close friend” means they should attend at all costs. Ask your friend if you can bring a plus one. If she says no, you’re free to tell her you can’t do it. Only a fair-weather friend would cut someone out of their life for not traveling 2,000 miles to a destination wedding.

Only a fair-weather friend would cut someone out of their life for not traveling 2,000 miles to a destination wedding.

The average cost of attending a destination wedding is $2,700, according to a recent survey by travel company Priceline, which also says 79% of couples are planning a wedding in the next 12 months. Honestly I don’t buy this. I don’t see nearly eight out of ten people getting on a plane and asking their guests to get on a plane to go to their wedding. Of course, a destination wedding could technically mean a hotel on a lake 60 miles away. The Knot says an estimated 20% of couples have destination weddings. In 2022, we must also consider the risk of COVID-19.

So how many people answer “yes” to remote weddings? According to some estimates, the proportion is between 60% and 75%, while others put the percentage of guests who say they will attend at less than 50%. Couples know that some relatives cannot or do not want to travel; A destination wedding allows the bride and groom to invite Plan B guests, knowing that their seats will be filled by Plan A guests. Personally, the reception would probably be a lot more fun if Great Aunt Ida set the dance floor on fire after too many G&Ts.

A plus for single friends is good etiquette. There will be cake. There is dancing. There will be vows. There will be sunshine. There will be cancellations.

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